The Continuing Adventures of H2G2 Storytime A Divine Comedy Acheter Des PO ak

The Continuing Adventures of H2G2 Storytime A Divine Comedy"And there wille come a Beast, thee Fyery Lyte of Helle in His Eyes, marks of Deathe upon His Brow. thee Lande of thee New Caesars He will Comme, He wille claime Dominion over thee Worlde Entire, thee Kinges of Menne will Bow Before Him. lo! Know ye His Downfall! it wille be Smalle, Yellowe and Quite Humorous."- Nostradamus, Volume VI, Verse CIXlooked up as Nurse Bertha walked in. A fat woman with stiff movements, she wore her heavy makeup heavily. The ruffles at her collar and the bright flower on her lapel softened the effect, however. He found her presence soothing. She carried the oil over to guy's bedside and began to massage her charge. Tapping the toe of one large, flat shoe, she hummed a soothing ditty as she pounded away on the prostrate guy, who was so busy relaxing he failed to notice the foul, noxious-smelling, vile yellow smoke spilling out from the neck of the bottle. X went to the lobby for a coke Arthur knocked on the nurse's station. The door swung quietly open under his genteel rapping. He peered inside at the pristine and clean surfaces littered with antiseptic wipes and disposable surgical gloves. The electric strip bulb hummed overhead. The room was empty except for one cupboard stuck awkwardly ajar. a fastidiously tidy person, couldn't resist and snuck inside to push it too, then stopped. dear." he said. he saw something that was so horrendous it made his heart skip a beat. Arthur pushed the further ajar to and gasped in horror as he realised that Nurse Bertha, the one he had just left massaging Guy, had been bound and gagged and stuffed into the cupboard of the nurse's station. her were a discarded clown's outfit and an empty bottle with several XXXs on it. looked up pleadingly. "Mphhgle fPH!" she mumbled, helplessly. Arthur looked around the hallway, uncertain what to do. ol' buddy?"said X, backing away slowly. ignoring this minor slur on his good character, appraised his partner of the current situation in as calm and as reasonable tone as he could muster. CLOWZ - ONE OF THEM'S IN THERE WITH GUY!" Agitatedly pointing at the frosted glass of the ward across the hallway. meanwhile had bent down was pointedly examining the squeaky red nose and over-sized spotty trousers that had been discarded in the corner, he was eyeing Arthur suspiciously. what do you think this is - cough syrup?!!", howled Arthur, scooping up the empty bottle of poison and waving it in front of X. I think somebody needs to take a nap." calmed down a little and tried a different tack. thing, y'know", said X waving his arms up and down in a frantic chopping motion like some deranged karate expert. else?" probed Arthur gently on what might generously be called X's 'tenuous', grip on reality. feet too. is in there-there-there - A CLOWN IS IN THERE WITH Guy?" nodded. both then ran across the corridor and into the ward. upstairs in the office part of the hospital which normal patients never get to see, five men and women in immaculate business clothing were sitting regarding a very large computer screen. it was all going so well! Completely according to plan!" Said one of them, disconsolately. will still work. You must all just do as I say, though. No more arguments. I've heard they're in the hospital, even now. What if they try to stop us?" can't. Ha. Ha. Hahahahaha!!" on the ward, X and Arthur's brains were struggling valiantly to cope with the horrific scene before them. Half a dozen Clownz, surgical masks barely concealing their bulbous red noses, were milling around Guy on a gurney. Or at least they were trying to mill. Oversized clown shoes do not make the business of milling an easy one. rather large clown nurse with striped bloomers handed the clown surgeon a hammer and stonemason's chisel. X then looked beyond the tray of surgical instruments and saw a bowl with what looked like clown wig, ready for transplantation. took over! In a flash of brilliance he grabbed a defibrillator trolley. he shouted. - "CATCH!" looked up from his reverie, Arthur threw on of the defibrillator pads to Guy who reached up and caught them. her!" screamed Arthur. noticed the wild look in his Agent's eyes, instinctively sensing danger he pressed the button. There was a flash and a sound like "Schlockk!" and the robot was catapulted backwards onto the far-side of the room, thick oily smoke began pouring from it's head and it began to thrash about in a fit short-circuits. of the Clownz turned and bore down on Arthur. He ducked down and its massive fist arced overhead connecting with the wall. The robot pulled it's fist out from the gaping wound in the plaster and spun round - it's fiery red LED's flamed at Arthur. was meanwhile dealing with the other clownz, using the prostrate body of X to gain some extra height he jumped and ripped the curtain rail from it's slider round the bed and threw it over the heads of the other clown nurses, who began to pitch and turn randomly unable to see where they were going. look out!" cried Guy, reaching over he grabbed the bottle of deadly toxins and threw it at the murderous form of the killer nurse. bottle smashed, spilling it's lethal acid all over the robot, which promptly melted. Arthur looked down, out of the corner of his eye he could see one of the big slippers start to twitch a little bit. turned around slowly. Carefully he gave the robot clown an experimental prod. The remaining hulk was fizzing silently as the acid went to work, the occasional pop or spark issued from where it's head had been and then finally the whole thing gave up on inertia and succumbed instead to gravity and fell backwards rather pathetically and with a loud thunk wow gold ideal. then Bob, Jill and the others came back in. we off to - oh." stopped Bob happened?" asked Jill mouth agape. not much." said Arthur dissmissivly, wiping a bit of axle grease from his lapel. fixed his tie in place and walked smartly across the room and dragged X out of the ward by the sleeve of his jacket. approached Guy's bedside. escape for you there." he said, non-commitally, reaching for a better topic of conversation. this is not the first time I owe my life to Arthur" replied Guy thoughtfully. gave the acid-eaten husk of the clown a contemptuous little kick, to me, like you may have a problem." he said. "I don't know how the clownz found you as quickly as they did, but you are clearly a target." nodded in solemn agreement. make the necessary arrangements to be shipped back to the Agency. I want you to pay a visit to this Mr Smittington on Barn Street, see what you can get out of him." the hospital, out beyond the car park there cruised a limousine. Inside there sat the 5 shadowy figures from earlier. The leader closed her laptop with a decisive snap. minor setback." she suggested. others looked to each other. mistress." they replied in unison. we know the name of their next target." she said. will need a search running." replied one of the figures. has already begun." said another. the strike." said one of the shadowy figures. not out yet." said the leader snapping open the laptop one more time as the limo pulled out of hospital lot. in the nurses' station. said a bound Bertha. And it wasn't a nice smile. Bob stuck his head outside to see what was going on and nearly beheaded by Nurse Bertha wielding a mop. scrabbled inside on all fours and reached for the defibrillator pads again. Bertha spun the mop like a shaolin monk and unplugged it at the socket with one deft flick of the handle. and Gonzaroolio tried to take the mop from her but were driven back by her frenzied swinging. Heddingly was nowhere to be seen. tried to effect some kind of attack as well but weakened by his previous exertions groaned and fell back to his pillows. Bob was helpless, completely at Bertha's mercy. She stood tall and bore the mop aloft like some magnificent trophy - issuing forth a Valkarie attack yodel: lowered the mop and charged Heddingly sprung up from behind Bertha and reached out to deliver the Vulcan Death Grip. Bertha crumpled with a small, happy, sigh. The mop clattered to the floor. is going on?"shouted Bob. "Leicester died on the island, right? only now our every move is being dogged by evil and malignant forces bent on delaying us from leaving this hospital." right Bob" moaned guy a bit breathlessly "you need to get out of here quickly - use my special 4 X 4. It's parked in the garage downstairs. The Agency's 'Special Weapons' division has upgraded it with suitable refinements wow po. I think you'll find it more than reasonable." and threw him the keys. traced a graceful arc through the air, intercepted by Jill tracing a less graceful arc through the air in the opposite direction. out she caught the keys before they even touched the floor and landed with cat-like prowess. she exclaimed. "I'm driving!" as she sprinted towards the car park. riding shotgun!" cried Heddingly running after her hotly followed by Gonzaroolio. was left standing stunned, expectant palm outstretched. - wait! come back here. leant over the rails of his bed and peered down upon the unconscious form of nurse Bertha. hmm." shadowy lady (whose name was in fact Annabel) wanted to take over the world. Oh just another one of those two-a-penny you may think - but no. Real Ambition. sighed a disconsilant sigh. just can't get good quality hench-people anymore." tapped into a panel on the wall, which immediately disappeared to reveal another panel, this time with a small LCD screen embedded in it. now they actually think they're going to get away. I pity these people, fighting for good, its all so pointless." she muttered, tapping the screen three times. in the car park, two big wrought iron gates noiselessly started swinging shut. car phone buzzed and she nervously picked it up. Holding it to her ear, she turned a whiter shade of pale as a hated voice from out of her tortured past spoke. was the headmaster at the awful Airhead Alternative Education Institute, her Alma Mata, and the scene of much childhood trauma. you still angry, Annabel?" the guidance counsellor's voice bounced and chirped ingratiatingly. many hours had Annabel been forced to sit in his airy office, with the sad paintings and the hippie music in the background, during anger management class, while he tried to help her find the source of her rage. she'd ever wanted was to rule the world , and instead of helping her to achieve this simple little dream, he'd tried to force her to embrace the world, not dominate it. didn't want to find her true centre! she screamed, then realised her error and screamed "YES!!" down the phone even louder. The snivelling wretch on the other end of the line responded by assailing her with a 'thought for the day'. do you continue to torment me!?" wanted to let my little snuggle-bunny know that we love her." said her Dad and hung up. does it!" she roared, slamming down the phone. soon as I take over the world he will be the first one up against the wall." thought soothed her, and Annabel sat back as the car cruised on its journey. down in the subterranean car park of the city hospital. Jill and the others were preparing to leave in Guy's 4X4. It was a monster of a machine, oil-slick black, caught in the right light new colours seemed to glisten on it's surface just out of sight. gave it a quick look over. It felt glassy to her touch. 'bullet proof probably', she speculated. say!", said Heddingly, really piling on the upper-class accent - he begin fitting a small monocle into his left eye, "That's quite a beast isn't it?" yeah!" said Jill grinning so wide it threatened to remove everything above her ears. arrived panting behind them I time to her Gonzaroolio express his disquiet about the whole thing. car sat there radiating an aura of confident and quiet menace. Jill stood up from her brief examination of the under-carriage she thought Gonzaroolio had a point. There seemed to be more pipes and things than were strictly necessary down there. suspected that this thing's closest relative on the family tree of cars, weighed about 30 tonnes and had caterpillar tracks. The word "turret" floated, unbidden into her mind. her head she turned the keys in the lock. The keys snatched out of her hand and began turning anti-clockwise. A stern computerised voice spoke: size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">IDENTIFY YOURSELF." XXX" said Jill, "Passcode: P13X #Blue" size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">SUBMIT FOR RETINAL EXAMINATION." wing-mirror glowed as Jill knelt down. A series of thin red lines danced across her face. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">CLEARANCE GRANTED." was a click as the locks sprung open. Jill slid in behind the wheel. Heddingly sat opposite, Gonzaroolio sat plumply on the back seat, swinging his little legs over the side of the seat. Bob slid in behind Heddingly. ordered Jill. was a shudder the dashboard lit up and the engine growled into life and revved itself a few times. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">GOOD MORNING AGENT XXX" said the computer. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">WHERE IS GUY?" a not of electronic concern appearing in it's voice. ill, he's given us the keys, were going on a mission." size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">OH DEAR. I AM SORRY TO HEAR THAT. said Bob leaning over to Gonzaroolio, "a talking computer!" agreed the clown hoarsely, "The only car I ever had, the doors kept falling off whenever you tried to drive it. I AM NOT A CALCULATOR wow gold!!" I for one aren't going to go around calling you all of that all the time - do you have a name?" asked Bob, with a trace indignantly. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MUSIC TO SOOTHE YOU ON YOUR JOURNEY?" would be nice Al." rover wound it's way around the inner structure of the underground car-park and crested the ridge of the last ramp to the straining waltz of "The Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss.1 scowled at the dashboard. could we go a little faster, do you think?" vehicle crawled along at a snail's pace, and she had been looking forward to a wild ride. AL's circuits glowed in disapproval. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">WHAT, AND BREAK THE POSTED SPEED LIMIT? I RATHER LIKE THIS SPEED THANK YOU. IT GOES WITH THE MUSIC, LOVERLY AND CALM." Jill slipped a copy of the "Flight of the Bumblebees" by Wynton Marsalis into the tapedeck. AL gasped, lurched forward and whipped around the corner, then came to a screeching halt. rose from the abused tires. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">WE ARE HERE." Jill looked around, and realised that they were, indeed at the bakery on Barnes Avenue. heh. We were just around the corner from it - Imagine that!" she said triumphantly as she helped Bob remove the dashboard from his nose. wait a minute!" Heddingly added, "This isn't the place, old fellow". tried to adjust his monocle, but it was stuck in the back of his skull. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">WELL YOU COULD HAVE ASKED." Al huffed. is Barnes Avenue isn't it?added Heddingly, looking around. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">OH SORRY I THOUGHT YOU SAID." no, I distinctly remember Jill saying." started Bob. size="4" face="westminster" color="#00FF33">IF YOUR INTERESTED IN MY OPPINION I WOULD RECCO - " lights on the dashboard winked out as Jill turned the keys off in the ignition. They all exited the car and examined the front of the shop. "Smittington Bakery" proclaimed the frosted glass window wow gold. "Raising Hell since 1811." is the place?" asked Jill a little non-plussed. not sure. Let's take a look around while we are here." said Gonzaroolio. ought to be a way in round the back." talked as he led them down a narrow alleyway that ran down the side of the shop. On the shop frontice-piece, a security camera turned and followed their every move. of a sudden the door burst open. stood, highlighted by the doorframe, a large black moth, attracted by the brightness of the lights. Its feathered antenna tricks with the shadows, and Cliff (for that was the moth's name) was none too impressed - they had a gig in 20, and the last thing he needed was a baffled backing group. not got time for this, c'mon we've got to do the sound check!" said the moth leading the way down the dark corridor. this the bakery on Ban Street?" mumbled Bob (as usual at least 5 minutes behind on current events) as they trooped through the door after the moth-man. Humble Narrator can exclusively confirm to you now, that it was not. effect was that the old oven looked down on for want of a better word was a small amphitheatre. Sloping round the sides were sat lots of expectant faces, a few were expectedly waving flickering lighters already. In the centre was a mosh pit in which jostled lots of people dressed in black and wearing heavy make-up which for the odd notable exception was also black. Gonzaroolio's heart a small flicker of excitement engaged. Ever since he'd run away from The Big Tent he'd been dying inside to work a crowd again. motioned the backing group to the back of the stage where they took up positions behind three mikes. approached the front of the stage and growled: YOU WANNA GET ROCKED?!!!" chorus of delighted howls and roaring cheers seemed to indicated that that the goth mosh gathering pit did indeed to be rocked. The bassist plucked a chord on his guitar and the speakers exploded with a cacophonous boom. Bob had grown accustomed to the lighting a bit more he could see the Cliff's costumes wasn't a moth after all but it did display a number of spikes and looked unnaturally furry. commotion amongst the band members seemed to indicate that he show was almost ready to start. The drummer reached up tapped his cymbals experimentally a few times. crowd before them erupted. began to sing. and Ivoreee, live together in perfect harmoneee-e-e!" on the lighting gantry, mayhem broke loose as Colin, who was manning the blue spot, was suddenly possessed by the disembodied soul of Leica the first dog in space. to the bizarre goings on, Cliff took it to the bridge. wave of pent up overtly sexual energy, pulsated from the adoring crowd. Knickers were thrown as the mosh pit became a squirming orgiastic mass of musical fervour. back to Colin for a moment it is worth explaining that Colin was one of those poor unfortunate people who suffer from acute occult telepathy. he wasn't hearing Beethoven composing romantic sonatas by his bed post at half past 2 each morning he's painting the shed and trying to avoid looking at the hedge clippers while the ghost of Van Gogh whispers in his ears Acheter Des PO. one of them would score a direct hit and the ghost would sit in his mind looking out through his eyes making him moved like they wanted to move. had had to some very embarrassing situations in the past. So he'd moved to London and picked up this gig spotting lights on some band. he is a dog. And when you've been trapped in the after life for a couple of generations and find yourself suddenly embodied again - there is just one thing you have to do. cocked his leg up against the railing and began to widdle onto the fuse box. began to flash and spark, these cascaded down onto the stage below eliciting a few "ooohs" and "ahhhh"'s from the crowd. Unfortunately one of these sparks intersected with one of the passing sets of knickers being lobbed at the stage. The frilly underwear ignited and over the heads of the band and landed squarely in the lap of the drummer. crowd cheered as the drummer flailed about madly on stage trying to put out the burning in his groin. the fuse box, exploded and fell out of the rigging straight onto his head, the crowd let off a huge excited 'whoop!'' was spectacular entertainment most of the crowd agreed. The band, displaying the utmost professionalism, continued to hammer out the screaming guitar solos. drummer staggered wildly: simultaneously trying to get the damn box off of his head and control the flames that were spreading up his legs. - Gerritoff oww-oww-ow-ow, aRRRgh agh! agh!!MMMMphh!!! AAAAArrrrrrr!!!!!!" the norm
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